I'm Finally Here

Been going through a lot lately, internally I'm fighting. Fighting myself and fighting against those who just want to help me. I can't seem to move my past my stubborn ways. I never stop to think before I act. I just do what feels right, but I'm beginning to learn how those moments of acting without thinking are now biting me in the ass. I guess I like to learn things the hard way... working under stress or waiting to the last minute to do something. I have no idea why that is but I'm a work in progress and I say that Proudly. We all are, some are more equipped than others, some are more qualified in this field than that, but steady working toward something greater. I've always been working, whether it was during school hours or making more $, certainly working for damn sure. I see amazing things happening to those closest to my heart ♥, glad to know that I was here to witness it all unfold. But now its time to embrace all that is me and make means of the gifts which I do possess. Can't sit in that passenger seat any longer, now it's time I drive. Take control, stop wallowing in the things I cannot take back or the times I've missed. I am where I am because that's how it is. And though I never saw this for myself, I'm taking a huge leap by continuing to figure it out. I don't have everything planned out- schedules were never my style but it won't kill to find some order amongst the madness. Take the first step, instead of waiting for someone to tell me. I'm learning to accept that my life will never be as it was, that mommy and daddy will not be strolling in any minute to save me.  Since I was 11, I've always understood that I was going to be alone.  Alone in the sense that the people I'd most except to be beside me, were going to be absent... It's always the people you'd least, like HIM. I never thought he'd hold me down the way he has. He's my best friend and so much more, he's helped me far beyond he'll ever know and though in the past he's hurt me as well, we're moving forward together. And others do talk about him but fail to realize the importance we hold in each other's lives. But I don't hate them, I hate ANYONE. I don't allow hate in my heart, it's far too negative. I may not like certain people but that's normal because I know people don't like me. It's all good, that's life. I'm Finally Here, my life is filled with endless possibilities and I can't stop now, I won't.  

"If life's a bumpy road, than there's a lot of hills to me..."

Like I said, I'm a work in progress... this is FAR from complete, I just needed to occupy my Saturday night, so this is what I've started... I think it's cool, can't wait till I finish though. :)