Just for life, I'm pursing... I'm on a journey of self-discovery. picking up broken fragments of this once broken frame, realizing that I had to break in order to accept change... I'm rearranged differently, classified as an outsider and have always been the weird one. I'm use to living below luck-level, I am not expecting some lottery to change anything. It's in my hands to determine where I'll end up. Never truly needed anyone, was born alone and I'll probably die alone too... who knows. I latch on tight though and my grip is pretty strong. I think if I loose one more thing, I'm going to let go of everything. What's the point of holding on, if you can never truly hold on tight? I don't get it, and I may never get it. It's probably one of those many unanswered questions, that I'm just going to have to live with not knowing the answer.
My life, well my life has been an assortment of experiences which have molded me into the woman that now bleeds her pain through words unspoken. I bite my tongue, fearing the words won't come out as I hope. I waste precious time that way and regret it so much after... when will I learn? This whole time I thought I knew, but like you say: "you never know, till you know"... So I guess this is the time that I'll surely figure out what knowing is. Perhaps the dream-like state in which my mind is will fade away and I'll be more of a realest. Because lets face it, I'm only hurting myself more by not acknowledging the full truth.
Trying to stay positive, is hard when the mind feels differently. But I'm holding on to words, words abide us by the truth... in close proximity or not, we have an outline... now let's follow through. The only way it wouldn't work is if we don't want it too. So really what am I scared of? Is it not fully knowing what is to come? Or is it knowing that there are more important things than this? Both. Now, I'm scratching looking for some kind of relief. Giving myself pep talks every 10 minutes, this is just the process. I'm making it worst in my mind, and for all I know it won't be that bad. 24 days is a lot compared to what we're use too but the time is now to insure a better future as a singular, not plural... plural will come, just as the seasons do. We produced water together, so I know this is for real. But can't say that I'm not going to miss you, because I do. But like you told me: We already made it.
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