it's the last day of January... one month of 2010 has gone by already- where did the days go? they all blur together... some remembered, others forgotten but none the less, all gone. it's hard to accept that we are coming into February (my birthday month), last year around this time i can still remember the way I felt... still feel it in my bones- the cold bitterness that- that winter had brought to me, in which I accepted open-handily. Still remember the blues that cooed me into a dream-like state, where things were how they were suppose to be. But things are as they should be, still the thought of it haunts me. The bad memories slowly fade as new ones are sprung... still, i'm waiting for them to cease. I've changed so much from that young lady who trusted so much in the belief of others... belief that people were truly respectful, honest and knew when they were out of place. But not everyone was raised with the same values as myself... A lot of those people who I met last year, proved that belief to be wrong. In fact, I find myself strongly disliking those people that do the opposite of my belief. They hold no use in my life and I'm stubborn in my ways so the idea of that changing is highly unlikely. I believe a person's true hues as they are first shown... and damn, that one line holds a mouthful of words that will remain unspoken until the time is right. I trust almost no one, just about everyone in my eyes are suspect and I quietly observe them, read them like the open books they are. Harsh? Rather not, this is just the blunt- "I don't really give a fuck whose feelings I damage" Jasmin, the Jasmin that came to LA in June 2008 and disappeared for a moments time. But she was never gone, rather silent. The sweet, compassionate side of me emerged with full force and push aside everything else. And this is why I love Karma, no need to get my hands messy, I sit back and let nature take its course... because what comes around, goes around. And when you find yourself on the other side of the glass than you'll understand the message I was trying to convey to you in this open scribe.
enough of that... I am sitting in Charlotte, North Carolina's International Airport, waiting to catch my flight to Boston! Ah, I must admit I am quite excited to be in such a familiar comfortable place. Cambridge... Harvard Sq... Downtown... Newbury... Charles River... Riding the trains... Cambridge1's Grilled Chicken Pizza... My huge family, the Boston accent's, Patwa spoken, Ox tail and dumplings cookin, the feeling of home. I miss it, I miss being able to take the train wherever and just going. The thought of being in an environment where no one is faking it- an environment where shit is real. There's so much beauty in that city, so much to it that I am in love with...
Speaking of in Love with, I find myself falling more in Love with the person who I am already in Love with- seems crazy? (I bet) but there is nothing or no one like Him. I had a guy recently talk up a good game to me, I was laughing the entire time and telling him that there's no way I'm leaving mine. He was sweet but mine is so much sweeter... as real as real can get. I don't even find anyone else relatively attractive... Toussaint does it for me. No one can make me happy and mad in one sentence- sounds twisted but it's the truth. No one excites me, entices me and always comes with an invitation that I try so hard to ignore. I don't know if it in his eyes that holds me so still, the mellow tones of his voice, the meaning to the words he speaks, or the fact that he has never loved anyone the way he loves me. It's probably all of the above and it was written long before I could properly pronounce his name... he was given to me, just as I was presented to him. And like I said... I am so stubborn in my ways that I'm not letting go.
:D
ReplyDelete